Chasing Lesbians

Chasing Lesbians

Oh dear. The Ben Affleck-J.Lo romantic comedy, Gigli, looks set to bomb after generating unanimously awful reviews in the US. Why is Ben attracted to film projects in which his characters become attracted to lesbians? This plot first occurred in his breakout inde movie, Chasing Amy, and now it rears its ugly head again. And speaking of head, the scene in which J.Lo, lying in bed with Ben, declares "It's turkey time...gobble, gobble" has already become infamous.

Presumably, it's the women playing opposite -- or, in this case, on top of -- Affleck that compel him to sign up to these sorts of movies. The storyline itself may also hold some fascination for him. The stunning, yet unattainable woman: this is the irreducible fantasy of many men, and who better to play the lead female character in a film premised on this fantasy than J.Lo, an actress whose moniker, as some wags have pointed out, bears an unfortunate resemblance to both the word 'jello' and the term 'j/o', which is internet shorthand (so to speak) for masturbation.

Long before Gigli, J.Lo had already appeared in movies that riff on the theme of the unpossessable sex object. In Out of Sight, we see George Clooney, a criminal on the run, taking a bath, with J.Lo's police officer going down on him. At first, we're led to assume that Clooney is fantasizing about J.Lo, only to realize moments later that she's the one who's dreaming about this experience.

Unfortunately, there's no such cleverness in Gigli.

What are we meant to make of the film's title, which brings to mind not only 'J.Lo' (ooh, how sophisticatedly -- and marketably -- self-reflexive) but also 'gigalo'? Are we to conclude that Ben is successor to the original American Gigalo, Richard Gere? If that's the case, is J.Lo the Officer to Affleck's Gentleman?). A.O. Scott of The New York Times points out the title's similarity to the words 'jiggly' and 'silly'; we could also add 'jiggy' and 'jelly'. The apparently unlimited semiosis of the film's title is almost certainly more fun than the film itself.

I'm thinking of changing my name, pace J.Lo, to A.Pho, which sounds uncannily like the Vietnamese word for rice noodle, pho. Chasing A.Pho: coming soon to a theatre near you.